A LONG WAIT

It had been a long day and at the end of it Rishi was sitting on the sea beach with a bottle of vodka and a Pink Floyd number playing on his I-Pod, his Armani jacket carelessly flung beside him. He felt a mix of emotions, probably due to the vodka, sweeping him as he sat on the beach with the moon and a couple of stars looking down at him from a sky filled with clouds. He had a nice education behind him, a nice job that paid well, a nice set of wheels and good looks. In short, everything a man could possible hope for by the time he was 26. But Rishi felt hollow, a sense of despair creeping inside him as if something somehow was not right. After the last couple of swigs, Rishi got up, threw the bottle into the blue sea and searched for his car-keys. Something told him to walk home tonight although it was not typical of Rishi to commute walking. He lit a Marlboro and started walking on the sand. The dim glow of his watch showed the time to be five minutes to midnight. He had walked no more than a couple of hundred meters when he saw what appeared to be the silhouette of a woman’s figure sitting on the beach. Long hair locks dancing to the rhythm of the cool sea breeze and the soft glow of moonlight on the woman’s face stopped Rishi in his tracks. Somehow he felt attracted to the woman. He felt as if he knew her since a long time. Rishi stepped on the stub of the Marlboro and lit it out, searched his pockets for a mint lozenge, found one, popped it into his mouth and slowly walked towards the woman. The woman was facing the sea and appeared to be lost in her own thoughts. Rishi went up to her and said “Hi, Myself Rishi. I am sorry but I don’t think it is safe to be sitting here on the sea beach so late in the night. May I help you in any way if you are in some trouble by any chance?” The woman looked up. She was beautiful with almost angelic facial features. She smiled. Rishi smiled back. She said, “Hi Rohan.” Rishi replied, “I am sorry, I am Rishi. Would you like any sort of help from me?” The woman said again, “Hi Rohan. Don’t you recognise me? I am Radha. I wonder how you could forget me.” Rishi did not know what to say. He just stood staring. Radha got up and hugged Rishi. Rishi still did not know how to react. Radha went on “I love you Rohan. Thank God I found you. I am never going to let you leave me again.” Saying this she took his hand and kissed it. “Let’s go dear. I had been waiting for this day since ages.” Rishi said, “Madam, now you are starting to freak me out. Can I please ask for an explanation?” He could almost instantly feel the sorrow in Radha’s eyes. Radha said, “Sit down Rohan and let me explain” and started with her story.” Rishi sat listening rapt in attention. Radha continued. “I was a teen when I met you Rohan. We were in love. Madly in love. I had just completed high school and you were in college. After both of us graduated, you went on for a masters’ degree while I waited for you to complete your education. We married after you completed your studies. We had a happy life. We were contented. Two years after our marriage, we also had a son, Rohit by name. We had everything we could expect from life. But God probably had something else in store for both of us. Maybe God tests the patience of people who He thinks can pass His stringent tests. You were killed in a car accident when Rohit was just a toddler. I was inconsolable. I was broken, almost on the verge of committing suicide. But I could not do so only because Rohit was a toddler then and he would have been orphaned had I taken such a drastic step. I had to make a man out of him. Raising him was “our” dream and I could not have let go of any dream that was dear to you. I had to live for you. For us. For our dream. My parents forced me to marry a number of times since I was only twenty five summers old when you left me. But I could not marry anyone else Rohan. I was all yours in heart, soul and body. I could not have married someone else and ruined his life. I decided to raise Rohit on my own. Without any support. Without any help. . I took a job and arranged for all the care I could provide Rohit. I sent him to the best school in town, gave him the best of facilities. I never let him feel your absence and I worked really hard for it. Rohit was a bright student. He graduated and then went on for a masters’ degree. But all the while, your absence hurt me. It killed me from the inside. I was lonely without you. I missed your support, your tenderness, your care and your love. The only thing that kept me going was our dream. A dream that both of us had seen together. I had to fulfil that. It became the sole purpose of my life. I waited for the day Rohit would settle down in his life. I had missed you in all the important occasions, the day Rohit had won his first award for topping his class in the school, the day Rohit won a national level Olympiad, the day Rohit graduated, the day Rohit he got admitted into the masters’ degree in the best college of the country. He looked very handsome in his graduation robe Rohan. He looked just like you did when you had graduated. I was very glad that I could make him the man we had always dreamt of making him. I had missed you on all the important occasions of life. Every moment of my existence had become a pain, a slow death. But I had to go on for us. I could not quit mid way. I cried in front of your photo for hours the day Rohit brought his lady-love home to see me. I missed you a lot that day. Rohit settled down in a good job after his studies. I was happy that I had finally succeeded. I made all the arrangements for his marriage, saw to it that the proceedings went on smoothly, saw the happiness in his eyes when he was getting married, blessed the newly married couple and then peacefully waited for meeting the love of my life. I was ecstatic with joy. I had finally been able to successfully fulfil our dream. The only thing that I could do now was to be together with you. I had missed you and your love for 26 years and I had decided not waste any more time without you. I needed you. I wanted the togetherness I had missed for so many years. I wanted to be happy after all these years of patience. I ended my life Rohan. Sleeping pills, lots of them and they worked. I died peacefully in my sleep. It did not hurt at all. I was 51 and had made Rohit a successful young man. I was sitting here waiting for you, my love, in the same state of my life that you had left me in. I love you Rohan.” Rishi sat quietly, lit another Marlboro and kept on smoking.

A FAMILY LONG LOST....

There was something about the morning sunshine that always made Ron cheerful. Agreed, that global warming had increased the temperature of the earth marginally but the morning sun always gave Ron a new hope and a new vigour. But today was somehow different. Ron did not feel like getting up from his bed. The fact that he had been using only one side of his double sized bed had never even bothered Ron till today. But, somehow he had been feeling very lonely since the dawn of the day. For may be the first time in his life, he desired to be loved. He somehow longed for a partner with whom he could share his joys and sorrows and this feeling was somehow new for him. Ron’s sexual escapades and one-night stands had been the popular talk of the grape vine in his office but he had never found out the right person with whom he could actually fall in love till date. After a few minutes of listlessness, he somehow dragged himself out of the bed. He felt drained, tired, lacking energy and above all bored to death. He simply could not explain what he felt although the day appeared bright, sunny and cheerful. He put his palm to his forehead and tried to check if he had a fever. He could not find any traces of it and satisfied that he would not have to waste another sick leave from his ever dwindling balance of leaves, he finally caught hold of his toothbrush. He searched for the missing tube of tooth paste cursing softly under his breath and finally found it under a pile of magazines propped against a rack near the wash basin and tried to feel cheerful but in vain. After around half an hour, he was finally done with his daily ablutions and one look at the clock confirmed that he was actually getting very late to work. All the while, he was trying to figure out the root cause of the weird feelings he was having today but he could not come across any concrete analysis about the same. Finally, with a spring in his step, he said aloud “Enough of this crap about feeling sad and lonely....Let me just go to work today....” Saying this he started searching for his car keys which were nowhere to be found as usual. Somehow he thought that these weird feelings would vanish once he goes to work. Just when he found his car keys under a pile of dirty laundry, he heard a soft knock on his door. Wondering who could be knocking when he had a melodious calling bell installed and whose switch was clearly visible on the wall near the door, Ron opened the door just enough to see who was looking for him. What he saw outside nearly made him drop his car keys in surprise. He saw Maureen. Maureen had been Ron’s best friend all the way from pre-school till high school. It had been 14 years since he had last seen her. Ron had turned 31 last summer and the last person he had expected to meet again ever in his life had been Maureen. Their friendship had broken under very tragic circumstances which Ron had tried to forget for a long time. And there was Maureen standing with a straight face near Ron’s door now. Maureen said “Hello Ron....Won’t you let me in?” Unable to say anything, Ron simply opened the door fully and let Maureen walk in. Maureen went and sat on the sofa set while Ron called in sick at work and closed the door behind him. No words had been exchanged between them after the first line. Finally Ron asked Maureen “Would you like some coffee?” Maureen nodded and Ron came back with two cups of coffee after a couple of moments. After a few silent moments, Maureen began “Remember the last time we met Ron?” Could Ron ever forget the last time they had seen each other? The bitter fight and the nasty words were etched in Ron’s memory for a long time and it was with a lot of difficulty that Ron had finally been able to recover from the incident. It was the last year at high school and both Ron and Maureen were casual 17 year olds. They had been to the class prom that night together. Although none of them had proposed to the other, they had a relationship that had somehow transcended the borders of friendship sometime during their early lives. That night, they had danced romantically and had finally left the party in Ron’s car for a long drive after which Ron planned to drop Maureen at her home and drive back. They had gone and stopped over a small hillock off the road and had started talking with a couple of beer cans in their hands. Slowly, one thing led to another and before they knew it they were making love in the back seat of the car. They had not even realised that they had used no protection. Everything was fine till the day Maureen had come to know that she was pregnant and that was when all hell had broken loose on Ron. Scared that he might have to sacrifice his career and start earning without completing his college degree made Ron very nervous. The day Maureen had told Ron that she was pregnant; Ron was simply out of control in shock and had simply declared “Maureen, I need to complete my graduation degree before I could think about marriage. Forget about the child. The pregnancy has to be aborted.” Maureen had simply flown into a rage accusing Ron of using her and playing with her emotions. Ron had simply walked out of her life after that and had never seen her again till today. Today Maureen sat in front of her ever so beautiful without a trace of any of that old anger towards Ron. He could make out that something was not right though. Somehow, Maureen looked pale and disconcerted. Ron asked her “What’s the matter Maureen? Why are you here?” Maureen replied with a soft voice “Remember our unborn child Ron?” Ron looked at her face bewildered unable to guess what the next words would be. Maureen continued “I had not aborted the pregnancy Ron. I had decided to keep the baby as a sign of the love we shared. I loved you a lot Ron and wanted you to father our child. But you turned your back towards me leaving me alone and never returning back my love. I was left alone Ron. You never took me back in your arms and you moved on in your life. My parents disowned me too but I raised Rick all on my own. I had no intention of meeting you again Ron. I had decided that I would not see you till you realised that you had a family who were waiting for you. The only reason I came here today was to inform you that Rick died last night hit by a car with a drunk driver behind wheels. He was 14, Ron, and he was transforming into a wonderful young man when God took him away from me rather, away from us. His funeral is to be held today and your presence will let his soul rest in peace. You may never see me again after today.” Ron was speechless. Now he realised why he was feeling so lonely, depressed and desperate for love since the morning. He had lost his son last night.

LOVE....

Came across this video on YouTube....A gem from the era gone by....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_mtmnptlTA

It says....whenever you have any trouble or something goes wrong, u stay with me my love....Just reminded me of someone very very special....

Further it says....

Everyone gives u company till the night is resplendent with moon light....but u don't leave me when it is dark.......There neither is or was anyone in my life apart from u.........

P:S: Just realised how I have raped the entire song with the translation....

PUSHING ONESELF....

To what extent can a person push himself???? Is it so that a person can push himself or herself to the extent his or her body permits him or her or can he actually push himself or herself beyond that???? Is the body a hurdle when one wants to push oneself???? What or who decides the limit???? Is it the mind???? Is it the psyche???? What exactly is the difference between mind and psyche???? What does one basically tame if one wants to push oneself???? The mind, the body or the psyche???? Know what....I just checked the meaning of both mind and psyche in my Word Web dictionary on my laptop and both of them mean the exact same thing....That which is responsible for one's thoughts and feelings; the seat of the faculty of reason....Now that's interesting....Why would English language promote two words for the exact same meaning???? So does it mean that if one wants to push oneself, he has to tame the seat of the faculty of reason???? So does it mean that at the time of testing your limits someone or something tries to reason out that whatever exercise you are undertaking is not suitable for you???? Now if you are trying to do something so desperately in the first place, isn't it the mind that inspires you to go for it in the first place???? Then why does it start creating hurdles once your body aches???? So then, is bodily fatigue the root cause???? And we come back to square one....Lost in the labyrinthe of life....But then, what good is life if we don't have some fun getting lost in its labyrinthe???? Isn't that something God wanted us to do???? But then how do we actually come to know what God wanted us to do???? Questions galore again and no answers....

@IMT....

So the journey finally ends somewhere....or has it just only begun???? The journey of the CAT preparations finally ended with but the road left me at the beginning of a new road....A road at Institute of Management Technology, Ghaziabad....A lot has been done....a lot has been sacrificed....But one thing is for sure....I am going to end up a better person after passing out from here....A better person for my love....a week has passed since I have been here at IMT....Many things have happened....sleepless nights....orientation programmes....yoga classes early in the morning....introductory classes....and of course the Personality Development Programme....2 or 3 hours sleep at night has been a luxury here....The campus never sleeps....There are a lot of things that can be done here both academically and non-academically....Hope to excel in both od them....There is no escaping from a good CGPA....Feeling sleepy like hell but can't afford the luxury....guest lecture around 45 mins from now and missing it wont be wise....may be a cigeratte after 15 odd minutes should do the needful....The feeling has been good about this place....Last week has really been terrible....The maximum sleep I could garner in a night was somewhere around 2.5 hours....Comparing between myself and another new friend here, my sleeping hours for the week has been in hours as follows....

5, 0.5, 0, 3, 2, 3....the 2-3 hours per day towards the end has only been fulfilled due the fact that I was actually able to sneak out of the orientation programme uncaught....My friend was not so lucky though....His statistics are as follows....

2, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 2, 0.5....Needless to say, I appear a lot fresher than him in appearance....

2 years of jail sentence will get over soon and then I will be with my honey forever....Hope I have a great time during this jail sentence at IMT G....

UNEMPLOYED....

Today was the last day at work....It feels somehow strange....I feel as though I have left behind a part of me in those cubicles and corridors........It's actually strange....I had waited for this day since around one and a half years and when it finally came, I was feeling a bit of melancholy instead of absolute elation........Today I realized how much my team mates loved me....and how much they are actually going to miss me....I am pretty sure that my replacement will be more efficient and intelligent than me but efficiency and intelligence are not the only things that matter in a work place anyways........23 months have taught me a lot about corporate working styles and environments...........so different from college and home lives............I am actually happy that I got some work experience before MBA...........The quality of people I have met at IBM is simply awesome..........I still stand by my statement that IT takes in some of the best brains of the country and simply lets them waste and rot............I mean I know people in my team are so capable that they can do lots of better jobs with equal efficiency.........I got a farewell gift.........A Titan watch.......it is absolutely beautiful...............In many ways IBM will be special for me............It has given me a lot more than my bread and butter.........It has given me a place to sit, internet, time to study, money whenever I needed it, rocking team mates with whom I have spent many many happy moments together............and most of all it has given me the love of my life............had it not been for IBM, I would probably still have been lonely and alone............It has given nice exposure, varied kinds of people to interact, it has given me the required frustration that kept me motivated................It gave me friends and colleagues who have helped me in my work in ways that I can't even begin to explain.............It has given me nice, helpful managers who have never exactly harmed me or put me into any kind of trouble and have always been nice to me............I must say that the overall experience I gained at IBM has actually been too good...........I am writing this with a mix of sorrow, joy and hopes in my heart............I am sad because I will no longer be going to the place I had been frequenting daily.........will not be meeting the people I had been spending a third of my time with and will no longer be a part of those team outings, lunches etc...........But I am happy that I got what I wanted...........I am happy that I am moving on in life rather than getting stuck and I am happy that I am progressing in my career....I am happy that I am going to be a student again.......Hopes of a better job role, more responsibilities and of course more money are always there.............When I had come in to this project (which incidentally was my first and last project at IBM), I had decided that I will good and lovable.............I knew that I was not going to be here permanently.............So I had decided that after I leave, people should reminisce that "There was a guy Soumya Darshan Mishra who was a good person at heart..........." and should not say that "Thank God that guy is gone........He was a good-for-nothing fellow who did nothing for the team..........." ...........I am very happy and thankful that I have been very successful in achieving whatever I had planned to achieve at IBM..............Thank You IBM for all the wonderful days and memorable experiences...........Thank You team for giving me some of the best days of my life...............

WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE....

Like people often say...."A lot of water has flown under the bridge since the blah-blah days....etc. etc...."...............So do i say today....."A lot of water has flown under the bridge since the day I made my last post on this blog.............Life has been good in general since the last few days.............Result season finally ended............Some successes, some failures, some so-close-yet-so-far cases etc...........Finally was able to convert IMI and IMT Ghaziabad Finance............will be joining IMT Ghaziabad and slogging in the finance domain...............Quite a few of other NITians are also getting into IMT.............Looking forward to having a happy life at IMT Ghz Finance..........



P:S: Posting this from my new HP DV4-1241TX laptop..............Real beauty of a machinery.............